I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
