how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
