whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
