You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
