I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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