so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
