so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
