Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
