JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
