I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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