I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
