i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
