Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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