he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
