THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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