At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
