I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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