we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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