Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize