im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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