The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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