bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
