It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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