hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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