Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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