I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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