i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize