I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
