During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
