There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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