So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
