I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
