I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
