I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
