You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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