somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
