im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
