Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just blew my weed a kiss
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
