yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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