Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
