Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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