ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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