she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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