I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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