i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize