that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
