Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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