Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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