Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
