So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
