areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
