There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
