If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
