she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
