I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
