I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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