Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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