so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
