Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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