last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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