It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
home. puking in laundry basket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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