In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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