In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
