he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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