Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
