Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
