i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
