A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
