hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
