I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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