just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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