I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
