Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
