6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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