Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
