Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
