Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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