My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
