halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
