Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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