I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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