Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
