You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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