how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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