you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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