do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
