just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
