he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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