On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
